This year is just flying by - can't believe we are in September already! It's less than 2 months from our failed IVF cycle - WOW! Outside of the 'no baby blues' - it's been an ok Summer. We haven't done anything exciting but just enjoyed the great weather, family, friends and time together. My nieces are growing like little weeds. M is now 28 months and A is 13 months. While I love my little girls so so much little A holds a special place in my heart because the timing of my sister getting pregnant with her was when we were actively trying. I was so heartbroken when she told us (Xmas 2010) from so many unsuccessful tries and then my sister announces she's pregnant...I could have killed her! (not literally) I had so much jealousy and pain but it passes of course with time because I'm not a horrible person and of course I don't wish infertility on anyone who wishes for a baby but it's a green monster of jealousy nonetheless. I enjoy my time with those girls and truly miss them every day I'm not around them. I take lots of photos and videos and will watch them often. I look at A and how much she's grown and all things she's doing and it warms my heart but also sometimes makes me shed a tear that why couldn't we have been blessed with a cutie this same age. I had the D&C in December and if that try would have "stuck", we would have had a baby in late July. I had some quiet days that week but I didn't allow myself to suffer. There's some silly reason it didn't work and I have to find peace with that but it's hard to do when I still don't have a baby. Well - I'm jumping off my soapbox now...
My last update was in March and I mentioned that I was focusing on a weighloss challenge at work...well folks... I WON!!! It was so awesome to win of course but the best part was the weightloss which was 37 pounds (18%). The last few weeks were brutal and I knew I couldn't keep up the "diet" of no carbs and wayyyyyyyyyyy too many vegetables but there was this gal that was in the lead the whole time and to be quite honest...quite a BI-OTCH so of course I had to beat her!! And I did by 1/2 pound. She was such a sore loser and didn't talk to me for 4 or so days after it ended. We sit 3 cubicles away from each other so it was so uncomfortable but I held my head high because it showed her true colors. She's no longer here anymore so I'm thankful for that. It was never the same after that! Anywho - I've gained a little of the weight back - about 7 lbs - but I'm struggling because I assume I have planters fasciitis since I was walking/running 5+ days a week during the competition. I went from being a walker on the treadmill or outside with nice weather to actually running. I ran my first 7k on St. Patrick's Day with a 54 minute time. I was so excited! And now...my darn heal/foot is so sore when I do exercise, wear the wrong shoes, rest for too long...blah! I need to go in and have it actually diagnosed but I'm a google person (aren't we all with the TTC journey??) so have tried doing some of those remedies. It surprises me how much I actually miss the running...never in a million years would I have thought I would say something like that. But I need to get back on track with eating more healthy dinners and doing some exercise so I can lose about another 15 lbs to get me to my goal.
Also in my last post I mentioned that we had 1 donor vial (not washed-ICI) still in storage at our andrology lab place. We have decided to use the last one as an at home try - do the "turkey baster" route. We haven't tried this route yet so this will most likely be a shot in the dark but we can't keep paying $50 every 3 months for one single vial. But obviously there is a lower % chance it can work and has worked with many of you folks out here but we need to be realistic to avoid a tailspin to insanity if it doesn't work. We will be praying to anyone that listens that's for sure!!! I talked to my doctor and she agrees it's worth a shot and helped explain what to do and gave us the catheter and syringe to use. I'm kind of confused why we need all that stuff because I thought the vial was already in a needleless syringe so I may have to call her and discuss some more. I feel like I left her office knowing exactly what to do and then got home and explained it all to Spice and then she asked a bunch of questions and now I'm confused!!! I've been googling lots and reaching out to blog friends as well for the nitty-gritty details. I am currently on day two of my period so we are trying to decide if we are going to do the insemination this month or wait till next. We also are not telling anyone in "real life" but of course I had to tell someone - so why not blogland!
If you are still reading - please send some baby thoughts our way! Stay tuned!!
