This year is just flying by - can't believe we are in September already! It's less than 2 months from our failed IVF cycle - WOW! Outside of the 'no baby blues' - it's been an ok Summer. We haven't done anything exciting but just enjoyed the great weather, family, friends and time together. My nieces are growing like little weeds. M is now 28 months and A is 13 months. While I love my little girls so so much little A holds a special place in my heart because the timing of my sister getting pregnant with her was when we were actively trying. I was so heartbroken when she told us (Xmas 2010) from so many unsuccessful tries and then my sister announces she's pregnant...I could have killed her! (not literally) I had so much jealousy and pain but it passes of course with time because I'm not a horrible person and of course I don't wish infertility on anyone who wishes for a baby but it's a green monster of jealousy nonetheless. I enjoy my time with those girls and truly miss them every day I'm not around them. I take lots of photos and videos and will watch them often. I look at A and how much she's grown and all things she's doing and it warms my heart but also sometimes makes me shed a tear that why couldn't we have been blessed with a cutie this same age. I had the D&C in December and if that try would have "stuck", we would have had a baby in late July. I had some quiet days that week but I didn't allow myself to suffer. There's some silly reason it didn't work and I have to find peace with that but it's hard to do when I still don't have a baby. Well - I'm jumping off my soapbox now...
My last update was in March and I mentioned that I was focusing on a weighloss challenge at work...well folks... I WON!!! It was so awesome to win of course but the best part was the weightloss which was 37 pounds (18%). The last few weeks were brutal and I knew I couldn't keep up the "diet" of no carbs and wayyyyyyyyyyy too many vegetables but there was this gal that was in the lead the whole time and to be quite honest...quite a BI-OTCH so of course I had to beat her!! And I did by 1/2 pound. She was such a sore loser and didn't talk to me for 4 or so days after it ended. We sit 3 cubicles away from each other so it was so uncomfortable but I held my head high because it showed her true colors. She's no longer here anymore so I'm thankful for that. It was never the same after that! Anywho - I've gained a little of the weight back - about 7 lbs - but I'm struggling because I assume I have planters fasciitis since I was walking/running 5+ days a week during the competition. I went from being a walker on the treadmill or outside with nice weather to actually running. I ran my first 7k on St. Patrick's Day with a 54 minute time. I was so excited! And now...my darn heal/foot is so sore when I do exercise, wear the wrong shoes, rest for too long...blah! I need to go in and have it actually diagnosed but I'm a google person (aren't we all with the TTC journey??) so have tried doing some of those remedies. It surprises me how much I actually miss the running...never in a million years would I have thought I would say something like that. But I need to get back on track with eating more healthy dinners and doing some exercise so I can lose about another 15 lbs to get me to my goal.
Also in my last post I mentioned that we had 1 donor vial (not washed-ICI) still in storage at our andrology lab place. We have decided to use the last one as an at home try - do the "turkey baster" route. We haven't tried this route yet so this will most likely be a shot in the dark but we can't keep paying $50 every 3 months for one single vial. But obviously there is a lower % chance it can work and has worked with many of you folks out here but we need to be realistic to avoid a tailspin to insanity if it doesn't work. We will be praying to anyone that listens that's for sure!!! I talked to my doctor and she agrees it's worth a shot and helped explain what to do and gave us the catheter and syringe to use. I'm kind of confused why we need all that stuff because I thought the vial was already in a needleless syringe so I may have to call her and discuss some more. I feel like I left her office knowing exactly what to do and then got home and explained it all to Spice and then she asked a bunch of questions and now I'm confused!!! I've been googling lots and reaching out to blog friends as well for the nitty-gritty details. I am currently on day two of my period so we are trying to decide if we are going to do the insemination this month or wait till next. We also are not telling anyone in "real life" but of course I had to tell someone - so why not blogland!
If you are still reading - please send some baby thoughts our way! Stay tuned!!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Keep me hanging on..........
Hello blogland! I can't believe it's been just over 2 months since my last post. To be honest...I didn't think I would ever post again but I just felt like putting my mood on "paper". I just re-read my last post and most of the "pain" comes rushing back but most days I'm holding my head high. I have a few weak days...but I'm human. It happens. Our plan was not to be empty handed...we still pray for some miracles but for now - we move forward. We have moments - typically around my nieces (7 months/21 months) - when Spice and I look at each other and we know what the other is thinking..."sure wish we had one of those little angels of our own". But it wasn't meant to be at this time, if ever, so we smother those girls with our love and find other things to keep us busy.
My current busy project is exercising and changing my eating habits. I come from a family of eaters. We love to cook and try new things and love to eat!. We are a hearty bunch! It all started early January at work...monthly cake day for birthdays. Quite funny really...all scarfing down cake and started talking about resolutions and how most of us wanted to lose weight. So we started a Biggest Loser competition with a $50 entrance fee...11 joined so we are looking at a $500 first prize and $50 second place. How awesome would it be to not only lose weight but then win $500...SHOPPING!!!! So far 7 weeks in...down 13.5 lbs. Pretty excited!! I expected more than that because I'm considered "obese" at 31 BMI but I'm losing weight the right way which is eating smaller meals with healthier foods and exercising. It's tough...and I struggle some days but I'm so dedicated that there is no stopping me right now. I'm starting to jog on the treadmill and even signed up for a 7k on St. Patrick's Day. I feel so good and am starting to finally see some results. It's tough to bust your butt and not see any differences. But slowly I'm getting there. Final weigh in is May 8th so 10 more weeks. Can't wait!!!
In other news...while there are no plans to do another IVF cycle since money doesn't grow on trees...we do have to make a decision with 1 remaining donor sperm vial. It's currently being stored for free until mid March but then it's $50 a quarter. So of course...we don't want to just throw it away but not sure what to do with it. We had done plenty of IUIs with the doctor but unfortunately my health coverage changed with my employer. I had great insurance coverage (minus IVF coverage) before that paid for all of my IUI appointments including the monitoring. Well now...it's an account based one so there's a little money in a "free" account and once that's gone...I have to pay out of pocket till I reach the 4k out of pocket maximum. So we don't know what to do. We've considered ICI since it's an ICI sample but Spice is panicked about that. I've tried reading up on it and it seems complicated. I joked with Spice that maybe it's as simple as we get it thawed and I put my legs up on the back of the couch and shoot it in. We are by no means thinking this would truly result in a pregnancy but I'd rather do that than throw it away. Since it's just 1 vial...we also don't want to buy a bunch of stuff to do it since it really is just one vial. In a fantasy world...this would work. The simplest try works! I figure losing weight may change my bodies dynamic so who knows....
If anyone is still reading...have you done simple, at home insems? Any advice? Even if it's graffic...I have no clue if Spice and I could manage it ourselves.
Outside of that...I still read blogs weekly and love hearing the good news so while I'm mostly silent...this community still means the world to me!! Until next time...lots of baby luck and hope everyone gets what they want in 2012!! Take care!!
My current busy project is exercising and changing my eating habits. I come from a family of eaters. We love to cook and try new things and love to eat!. We are a hearty bunch! It all started early January at work...monthly cake day for birthdays. Quite funny really...all scarfing down cake and started talking about resolutions and how most of us wanted to lose weight. So we started a Biggest Loser competition with a $50 entrance fee...11 joined so we are looking at a $500 first prize and $50 second place. How awesome would it be to not only lose weight but then win $500...SHOPPING!!!! So far 7 weeks in...down 13.5 lbs. Pretty excited!! I expected more than that because I'm considered "obese" at 31 BMI but I'm losing weight the right way which is eating smaller meals with healthier foods and exercising. It's tough...and I struggle some days but I'm so dedicated that there is no stopping me right now. I'm starting to jog on the treadmill and even signed up for a 7k on St. Patrick's Day. I feel so good and am starting to finally see some results. It's tough to bust your butt and not see any differences. But slowly I'm getting there. Final weigh in is May 8th so 10 more weeks. Can't wait!!!
In other news...while there are no plans to do another IVF cycle since money doesn't grow on trees...we do have to make a decision with 1 remaining donor sperm vial. It's currently being stored for free until mid March but then it's $50 a quarter. So of course...we don't want to just throw it away but not sure what to do with it. We had done plenty of IUIs with the doctor but unfortunately my health coverage changed with my employer. I had great insurance coverage (minus IVF coverage) before that paid for all of my IUI appointments including the monitoring. Well now...it's an account based one so there's a little money in a "free" account and once that's gone...I have to pay out of pocket till I reach the 4k out of pocket maximum. So we don't know what to do. We've considered ICI since it's an ICI sample but Spice is panicked about that. I've tried reading up on it and it seems complicated. I joked with Spice that maybe it's as simple as we get it thawed and I put my legs up on the back of the couch and shoot it in. We are by no means thinking this would truly result in a pregnancy but I'd rather do that than throw it away. Since it's just 1 vial...we also don't want to buy a bunch of stuff to do it since it really is just one vial. In a fantasy world...this would work. The simplest try works! I figure losing weight may change my bodies dynamic so who knows....
If anyone is still reading...have you done simple, at home insems? Any advice? Even if it's graffic...I have no clue if Spice and I could manage it ourselves.
Outside of that...I still read blogs weekly and love hearing the good news so while I'm mostly silent...this community still means the world to me!! Until next time...lots of baby luck and hope everyone gets what they want in 2012!! Take care!!
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