Thursday, November 14, 2013

I've become so numb...

Well that's a dramatic title right?  I couldn't think of a title so I divert to song lyrics to assist.  I thinking it's suiting since I do feel numb when it comes to TTC.  As my last post stated - I feel like we've been sitting on the back burner for so long that I can't imagine being 150% in.  Which is so odd for me since being a mom and sharing a family with Spice is all I think about.  I would say at least daily there is something that triggers me to feel sad that it never happened for us and it may never.  We have 2 vials in storage and have plans to use them but I almost feel like we are using them to not have to pay $40 a month for storage because I've already told myself it's not going to work.  It's not right and I know it won't help but I'm numb to it.  I've been scorned and burned by the lack of luck (let's be truly is luck given the % of getting pregnant each month) that I've become that melodramatic person who thinks "poor us".  Yuck!  I need to shake it off and maybe it's something that comes with time or when we are really ready to try more frequently vs. just the last 2 vials.  That won't happen till next Spring at the earliest based on money.  So maybe if I knew we had more than just 1 months try left I would feel different but for now...I'm numb about TTC.

But in happier news...our close friends had their little love bundle a week ago and I couldn't be happier for them.  When I visited them and held their child I was so happy for them but with a slight sadness.  It passes quick and anyone who struggled knows exactly what I'm talking about.  They will make amazing mothers and I couldn't be happier!  I love birthing stories and to hear all the TMI details and such and they were willing to oblige me.  A lot of the bloggers do this too so I usually grab some lunch and read on.  They are doing the G diaper thing so it will be interesting to hear/see this type of diapering for a baby in real life vs. usually reading about it.  The G diaper cover thingies are so stinking cute!

I turned 40 since my last post and so are most of my FB friends from high school.  Recently one of them posted "I don't feel bad about turning 40, I just can't believe I'm 40".  That couldn't be more true.  I really don't imagine myself being 40.  I will look at others around me and think do I look 40?  I don't think so.  Part of it could be my sense of humor which is immature really at times and I've also got a heck of a stylist who hides that gray!!  Although I've had some gray hairs since I was in my early 20's but now I have to highlight.  I'm not ready to be gray and the way it's sporadically doesn't look right anyways on my normally brown hair so bring on the highlights! 

Well off to save the world!!  Till next time...peace!

1 comment:

  1. I also love the TMI details, and love to share TMI! I'm pretty open when it comes down to it.